What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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