sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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