We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Randomize
