haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
