Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
