I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
People in love make me want to vomit
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
