I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
