I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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