just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Randomize
