thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
