I need help removing her.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
