She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
