It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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