even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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