Your face is a jimmy john
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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