his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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