My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
