Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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