I got her a Nickelback box set.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
