It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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