Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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