so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
