There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
