Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
