Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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