I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
