new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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