i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
