in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
