I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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