Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
