oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
