Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
