I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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