we're blogging at a bar
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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