PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
