worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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