I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
