He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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