when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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