If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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