i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
