So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
