Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
