I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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