watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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