Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
