hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
