Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
