It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
