please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
