what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
